Frustrated & Fired Up

The question I asked myself this morning was, "Has my personality changed recently?" My initial response was, "No, of course not." However, after more thought, I had to acknowledge the following: Lately, my first reaction to pretty much any semi-difficult situation is to get frustrated and upset.

When did my norm go from being a happy, ecstatic, carefree person, to someone who is on defense? Now, if you're reading this correctly, you would notice that I'm not saying I've become a generally mean person. I'm simply saying that my main response has changed.

To those of you who know me well, I obviously don't want to be this way. I have spent a lot of time in prayer lately, seeking God's help to change me. The desire of my heart is to glorify Him, and I know that by becoming an easily irritated person, I am doing exactly what I don't want to do. It is like what Paul wrote in Romans 7:15-25. He doesn't know what he is doing because he does what he doesn't want to do, and he doesn't do what he wants to do. There is a war waging inside of him, his evil, sin nature is making it difficult for him to do the good that he desires to do. This whole passage relates well to what I am experiencing, especially the final 2 verses, 24 & 25. For Paul writes, "24What a wretched man I am! who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God -- through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Even though I fail, God will lift me up & use my broken, sinful self to bring glory to Himself. This was exactly the case in preschool this past week. God showed Himself through me, even when I was not "feeling" it. I saw myself make mistake after mistake. By the middle of the week, I was begging God to remind me of this question when I came against a tough situation, "What would bring the most glory to Him?" It really stood out to me that day. I took a moment to assess each situation that arose before making my move. It was a great feeling, & I knew that God was there helping me. Then, today, I failed again, in somewhat of a big way.

As I sit here writing, I'm shaking my head at the fact that I can't stop falling down, and falling hard. It's almost as if I can here my parents saying, "When are you going to learn?" I realize I am a sinner, and that I will never be without sin. It took Christ's death on the cross to grant me forgiveness of my sins. I can & will become more like Christ. As I seek Him, He will fill me up, & my attitude will go from frustrated & fired up to overflowing with the love of Christ. Now this makes me smile & renews my soul with a hope for the future :)